Yultide Torture
by TheRandomTurtle
Summary: This is a one-shot inspired by and incredibly old and incredibly annoying Christmas song that everyone has heard.


A/N: WHEEE! MY FIRST CHRISTMAS-Y FIC! WHOOOOO! *ahem* Just a little something I came up with while listening to Christmas songs on the radio.

Disclaimer: I don't own IZ, the Chipmunks, a hula-hoop, or a cattle prod (I wish I DID though, I'd be zapping people left and right ^_^).

_**Yuletide Torture: CHIPMUNK STYLE**_

_**By Fifi**_

Gaz:This has GOT to be the dumbest thing I've ever done.

Dib:There should be a law against this kinda thing.

Zim:Filthy human and her strange form of Chris-mas torture.

GIR:Heeheehee, I'm ina dress! ^-^

Zim:Quiet GIR!

*** Zim, Dib, Gaz, and GIR find themselves standing in, what appears to be, a music studio of some sort. They are all dressed quite strangely (strange for them anyway). Zim, Gaz, and GIR are dressed in somewhat matching sweater/dress outfits that go down to their sneaker clad feet. Gaz's sweater/dress is blue, GIR's is green, and Zim's is red with a large yellow "A" on the front and he is also wearing a red baseball cap.***

Gaz:I can't believe she's making us wear these stupid things.

Zim:It's humiliating!!

Dib:Hey! At least you guys don't have to dress like freaking Mr. Rogers!

*** Instead of his usual black trench-coat attire, poor Dib is decked out in a rather festive sweater vest and slacks.***

Fifi:*walking up to them* Aww, c'mon you guys! I think you look great!

Zim:Of course YOU think that. You're the one who dressed us up like this in the first place!

Fifi:Heheheheh, yeah… SO! You guys ready?

GIR:I'M READY!!

Zim:No you're not!! *to Fifi* WHY exactly are we doing this?

Fifi:Because it's Christmas-y!! ^-^

Zim:…. Yeah. But why are WE the ones who must sing?

Fifi:Because this song requires high, squeaky voices. And you, GIR, and Gaz have high, squeaky voices. Ergo, you three must sing. u_u

Gaz:This is so stupid! How come Dib doesn't have to sing?!

Dib:Hey!!

Fifi:Because: 1. Dib doesn't have a high, squeaky voice, 2. I feel that he better fit's the "Dave" persona, & 3. Dib just flat out can't sing.

Dib:0.

Gaz:But Simon's the one who wears glasses, and Dib wears glasses--

Dib:Whose side are you on Gaz?!

Fifi:*tapping her chin in thought* Hmmm… You know, you gotta point there.

*** And with that she quickly strides over to Dib and snatches off his glasses.***

Dib:Hey!!

*** Ignoring him, she goes over to Gaz and smashes the glasses onto her face.***

Gaz:HEY!!

Fifi:There! Now all is right with the world!

***Fifi quickly hands them their lyric sheets then rushes over to the stereo.***

Gaz:This is so stupid! I can hardly even SEE with these glasses on!!

Dib:I'm not doing much better over here Gaz. Besides, it could be worse. You COULD be Alvin. *glances at Zim*

Zim:*staring quizzically at his lyric sheet* …. What is a "hula-hoop"?

GIR:Yay! We's gonna sing like the Monkey's!

Dib:That's Chipmunks GIR.

GIR:I like po-ta-to chips. ^-^

Dib, Gaz, & Zim:0_o

Fifi:SILENCE!! LET THE SQUEAKY, HIGH-PITCHED, CHRISTMAS-Y, SOOPER ANNOYING FOR YOU GUYS BUT VERY ENTERTAINING FOR ME,TORTURE BEGIN!! *pushes play on the stereo*

***As the song begins, the four reluctantly look to their lyric sheets; Dib and Gaz have to squint at their papers to make out the words.***

Dib *not at all happy*:*sigh* Alright you Chipmunks, ready to sing your song?

Gaz *trying no to loose her lunch*:I'll say we are. *gags*

GIR *actually into it*:Yeah! You bet! ^-^

Dib:Okay Simon?

Gaz:*growls* Okay.

Dib:0_o Umm… Okay Theodore?

GIR:OKAY! ^-^

Dib:Okay Alvin…? Alvin…? ALVIN!!

Zim:_ OKAY!!

Zim, Gaz, and GIR *singing*:

Christmas, Christmas time is near

Time for toys and time for cheer

We've been good but we can't last

Hurry Christmas, hurry fast

Want a plane that loop-de-loops

Zim:

Me, I want a hula-hoop!

Zim, Gaz, and GIR:

We can hardly stand the wait

Please Christmas don't be late!

***As the music plays on, the demented quartet whisper amongst themselves.***

Dib:Why is the music Italian all of a sudden?

Gaz:Yeah. I mean, what are we? The Soprano's?

Zim:Of course we are sopranos, Dib-sister. That is why the FILTHY Turtle-Beast chose US to sing.

GIR:I like the spaghetti music! ^_^

Zim:Quiet GIR!!

Fifi:0_ Hey! Less talk-y, more sing-y! Don't make me get out the cattle prod!

Zim, Dib, and Gaz:O_O;;;

GIR:YAY! The Sparkle-Stick, WHOO!!

Zim, Dib, and Gaz:QUIET GIR!!

Dib *quickly fumbling with his lyric sheet*: Ahem… Uh, okay fellas, get ready. That was very good Simon.

Gaz *grinding her teeth*:_ Naturally.

Dib:Very good, Theodore.

GIR:*giggles insanely*

Dib:Alvin, you were a little flat. Watch it… uh Alvin…? Alvin…? ALVIN!!

Zim:Okay!!

Zim, Gaz, and GIR *singing again*:

Want a plane that loop-de-loops

Zim:

I still want a hula-hoop!

Zim, Gaz, and GIR:

We can hardly stand the wait!

Please Christmas don't be late!

***As the song ends, Dib, Zim, and Gaz all breath a sigh of relief.***

Gaz:Thank God that's over.

Dib:Yeah, you said it.

Zim:Zim never wants to experience anything like that ever again.

GIR:WHOO! That was fun!

Zim, Dib, and Gaz:0. QUIET GIR!!

Fifi:You guys, THAT was amazing! Truly terrific! Bravo!

***Zim, Dib, and Gaz all glare at her as if mentally willing her to burst into flames, while GIR takes this moment to try and eat one of his sneakers.***

Fifi:You were so good, in fact… *evil grin* That I think an ENCORE is in order! *quickly presses replay on the stereo*

Zim, Dib, and Gaz:O_O;;; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

GIR:^_^ YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Zim, Dib, and Gaz:**_** **QUIET GIR!!!**

*** As everybody, except for GIR, miserably proceeds to sing through the song once more, Fifi stands back and admires her depraved handy-work.***

Fifi:*sigh* God bless us, everyone.

End.

AN: Ehehehehehehe! I'ma lil' meany! Anywhosits, read and review -- BUT NO FLAMES! Anyone who flames this will be magically transformed into the Grinch.


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